What would the internet be without porn? Porn is ubiquitous. Online here, there & everywhere. Softcore, hardcore, weirdcore – video, audio, pictoral and text. Probably there is musical porn, painted porn, mosaic porn, telegraph porn, semaphore porn. Porn for boys, girls, men, women, TG men, TG women, heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, tricycles. Porn for necrophiliacs, emetophiliacs, agalmatophiliacs, somnophiliacs, and archnephiliacs (and a myriad other “acs”).
In short, lots and lots and lots of porn on the internet.
Or so I’v been told. Personally, I don’t care for any kind and haven’t since I was thirteen or so. I looked at an early Playboy and it seemed so – well – crass. The closest I’ve come to watching or reading porn sicen was viewing the early Lucille Ball films.
My good friend Micky, however, adores porn. All kinds. But, being of the old fashioned school, he particularly likes written porn. Tale of Two Titties, Catch 69, that sort of thing. I consulted extensively with Micky in preparation for writing this post. He very graciously shared his extensive expertise with Visions. I must confess I blushed during much of Micky’s lecture; and I fainted once during his rather lurid description of the Internet’s better bestiality sites.
Micky said when it comes to the world of written porn plot, originality, character development, motivation, vivid and nimble prose and ultimate meaning count for very, very little (OK, for nothing…) Proper spelling and punctuation, while preferred, are not essential. Decent grammar is a plus. Micky says there is only one thing that matters to good porn writing – depiction of at least four sex acts per page. Kinky sex acts are even better. Multiple people kinky sex is best. The average porn reader, Micky point out, wants to spend no more time than necessary (five minutes tops) reaching the story’s climax.
Written porn on the ‘net is mostly in the form first popularized by Penthouse magazine in the eighties in its readers’ forum sections: three to four page, first person tales of outlandish debaucheryl like, “boy meets girl, girl blows boy, boy fucks girl in the ass, boy learns girl is a tranny, boy blows girl, boy gets fucked in the ass, boy goes home to discover his wife sucking her dachsund’s delicious dong while her daddy is watching). No redeeming social value unless you count efficient masturbation as a social good.
But, to Micky’s surprise, there is some well written hardcore erotic fiction on the net. This high class stuff arouses your brain as well as your genitals. I haven’t read any of it – because I am such a pure person – but I mostly trust Micky’s judgment; he minored in English in college back in the late sixties (he majored in Abrasive Studies).
So Wrong – the Collected Pornographica of Elsie – contains a variety of well written, thoughtful stories blending hardcore sex and surreal plots or characters. The Summer I Learned to Fly, a story of bisexual incest between characters with surprising super powers, is powerful. Most one handed porn is imminently forgettable, Micky tells me he’s still chewing on Elsie’s imaginative stories. Summer’s protagonist is a teen girl with cerebral palsy who is obsessed with sex. Micky made me read this this small excerpt from the story:
It was a tough time for me. I’m sure it was hard for my older brother and sister too, but at the time I was too self-centered and wrapped up in my own problems to think about them. I was an awkward kid, introverted and perpetually self-conscious. I have Cerebral Palsy, which means my legs are twisted like pretzels and I need two canes and leg braces to walk; ugly metal braces that clunk with each step. To compound that, I was a late bloomer, compared to all the other girls in my class. I finally hit puberty, and it was like an F-16 switching on the afterburner. Paradoxically, that just made me feel like even more of an outsider. I got my period, fitfully and unpredictably, and I started growing breasts; small but sensitive speed bumps that made me feel like everyone was always staring at my chest. My sexuality suddenly made the quantum leap from occasionally having my G.I. Joes and Barbies play out unnatural acts together to furtive pornography-looking and actual masturbation. Lots and lots of actual masturbation.
I was impressed. Reminded me a bit of early Flannery O’Conner. I asked Micky if there were any G rated stories by Elsie. He just laughed. As he stood there I suddenly noticed his hairy palms and that his new pair of glasses had much thicker lenses than his old ones.
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