Archive for legs
SEX BLOGGER SHARES SHAMEFUL SECRET!
There are plumbers, nurses, engineers, gardeners, and cabbies; all of them, and thousands more, pursue honorable vocations. While their skill and efficiency may vary, at the end of the day each may say she earned an honest dollar for her honest labors.
Because newspapers and magazines desperately wanted you to buy their rag, the front page – or cover – screamed a bevy of large type come ons: The Shocking Truth About…. Will the World End Next Week… Goat Born with Three Heads… If you fell for the lure of one of the headlines you usually found out, when your read the article, the truth was much less shocking than the cover’s implied promise.
Today, as newspapers and magazines fade from the scene, digital media has taken up the art of writing alluring headlines. If old media angled for sales, Internet outlets crave hits. They don’t really care if you read the piece you click through to; your click is enough.
I admit, given my modest audience, I’ve been tempted to attempt to imitate my Internet betters. I normally try to find a song, book or film title or quote, or a play on words to head a post. These headers are usually honest in an plain spoken kind of way; they do not promise more than their subsequent text delivers. But with each post I edge closer to hyping the content: The Most Depraved Women in the World! – Shocking Tales of Sexual Depravity! – Depraved Political Tricks! Monster Ants Attack!
But – if I do fall prey to the unprincipled practice of pure postal prevarication – I promise, at least, to do my best to feel ashamed.
HILLBILLY COEDS PLAN CAMPUS ORGY!
There was a fairly bad English play once titled, “No Sex Please, We’re British.” While wildly popular in Britain in the seventies despite near universal critical scorn, the play managed a mere sixteen performances when it crossed the Atlantic.
I wouldn’t be surprised if someone writes a sequel entitled No Sex Please, We’re Tennesseans. The University of Tennessee’s student run Sex Week scheduled for early April has drawn the ire of several of our esteemed legislators. They were shocked – shocked – by the thought students might be interested in sex on campus and might actually want to enhance their sexual knowledge. The lawmakers demanded the University withdraw all funding for the one week program.
The university, citing the long cherished principle of academic freedom, stood firm…
You didn’t believe that, did you?
Of course the university mostly bailed and withdrew all university funding for the program but did allow a modest amount of student funds to remain available to fund the (greatly reduced) bacchanalian sex romp.
The outraged legislators are, of course, not mollified. They point out student fees are not voluntary and, therefore, money extracted from God fearing, pure minded Christian students will go to fund depravity.
The Vegas line is one in twenty-seven Sex Week will actually happen in Knoxville next month. Personally, I wouldn’t take those odds. This is Tennessee, after all.
THE SHOCKING SECRET DEMOCRATS DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW!
Politicians are a craven lot. Large majorities of the populace support universal background checks and restrictions on large gun magazines. The outlook for any gun control legislation passing, however, remains poor. The proposed assault rifle prohibition died prematurely without coming up for a vote at the hands of Harry Reid last week, done in by the defection of red state Democratic senators.
The NRA has managed to rouse its horde of single issue votes once again. “Safe district” Republicans would never support gun control (and would probably vote to legalize private ownership of bazookas and tanks). Democrats remain deeply traumatized by the party’s 1994 Congressional wipeout that followed their vote to ban assault rifles. Democrats in the house and Senate pray they won’t have to vote at all. Voting against would enflame the party’s base but voting for would likely mean facing a NRA firing squad. Public support for gun control, while temporarily strong, will wain as time passes. On the other hand, the NRA never forgets.
Once the public glare of Sandy Hook fades away, Democratic politicians will slither away in the gathering darkness, giving thanks they can make soothing noises but nothing more – at least until the next gun massacre hits the news.
photos by Alan Antiporda, subject to this creative commons license. Click images for details.
Read all of VISIONS
What would the internet be without porn? Porn is ubiquitous. Online here, there & everywhere. Softcore, hardcore, weirdcore – video, audio, pictoral and text. Probably there is musical porn, painted porn, mosaic porn, telegraph porn, semaphore porn. Porn for boys, girls, men, women, TG men, TG women, heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, tricycles. Porn for necrophiliacs, emetophiliacs, agalmatophiliacs, somnophiliacs, and archnephiliacs (and a myriad other “acs”).
In short, lots and lots and lots of porn on the internet.
Or so I’v been told. Personally, I don’t care for any kind and haven’t since I was thirteen or so. I looked at an early Playboy and it seemed so – well – crass. The closest I’ve come to watching or reading porn sicen was viewing the early Lucille Ball films.
My good friend Micky, however, adores porn. All kinds. But, being of the old fashioned school, he particularly likes written porn. Tale of Two Titties, Catch 69, that sort of thing. I consulted extensively with Micky in preparation for writing this post. He very graciously shared his extensive expertise with Visions. I must confess I blushed during much of Micky’s lecture; and I fainted once during his rather lurid description of the Internet’s better bestiality sites.
Micky said when it comes to the world of written porn plot, originality, character development, motivation, vivid and nimble prose and ultimate meaning count for very, very little (OK, for nothing…) Proper spelling and punctuation, while preferred, are not essential. Decent grammar is a plus. Micky says there is only one thing that matters to good porn writing – depiction of at least four sex acts per page. Kinky sex acts are even better. Multiple people kinky sex is best. The average porn reader, Micky point out, wants to spend no more time than necessary (five minutes tops) reaching the story’s climax.
Written porn on the ‘net is mostly in the form first popularized by Penthouse magazine in the eighties in its readers’ forum sections: three to four page, first person tales of outlandish debaucheryl like, “boy meets girl, girl blows boy, boy fucks girl in the ass, boy learns girl is a tranny, boy blows girl, boy gets fucked in the ass, boy goes home to discover his wife sucking her dachsund’s delicious dong while her daddy is watching). No redeeming social value unless you count efficient masturbation as a social good.
But, to Micky’s surprise, there is some well written hardcore erotic fiction on the net. This high class stuff arouses your brain as well as your genitals. I haven’t read any of it – because I am such a pure person – but I mostly trust Micky’s judgment; he minored in English in college back in the late sixties (he majored in Abrasive Studies).
So Wrong – the Collected Pornographica of Elsie – contains a variety of well written, thoughtful stories blending hardcore sex and surreal plots or characters. The Summer I Learned to Fly, a story of bisexual incest between characters with surprising super powers, is powerful. Most one handed porn is imminently forgettable, Micky tells me he’s still chewing on Elsie’s imaginative stories. Summer’s protagonist is a teen girl with cerebral palsy who is obsessed with sex. Micky made me read this this small excerpt from the story:
It was a tough time for me. I’m sure it was hard for my older brother and sister too, but at the time I was too self-centered and wrapped up in my own problems to think about them. I was an awkward kid, introverted and perpetually self-conscious. I have Cerebral Palsy, which means my legs are twisted like pretzels and I need two canes and leg braces to walk; ugly metal braces that clunk with each step. To compound that, I was a late bloomer, compared to all the other girls in my class. I finally hit puberty, and it was like an F-16 switching on the afterburner. Paradoxically, that just made me feel like even more of an outsider. I got my period, fitfully and unpredictably, and I started growing breasts; small but sensitive speed bumps that made me feel like everyone was always staring at my chest. My sexuality suddenly made the quantum leap from occasionally having my G.I. Joes and Barbies play out unnatural acts together to furtive pornography-looking and actual masturbation. Lots and lots of actual masturbation.
I was impressed. Reminded me a bit of early Flannery O’Conner. I asked Micky if there were any G rated stories by Elsie. He just laughed. As he stood there I suddenly noticed his hairy palms and that his new pair of glasses had much thicker lenses than his old ones.
Read all of VISIONS