Archive for humor

Eat Your Vegetables!

Posted in fashion, FLICKR, pinup, Sexy, Uncategorized, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 1, 2013 by cliffmichaels

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Lettuce at ’em!

Photo from Talk Radio News Service, original photo and remix subject to this creative commons license 

Talk Radio’s set Peta’s Sexy Lettuce Ladies 

FLICKR GROUPS

Vegans, Vegetarians & Friends of Animals  –  Salads  – My Cat Loves Veggies  – Only Green Bikinis – Peta2

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MORE THAN CHUMP CHANGE

Posted in FLICKR, photographers, PHOTOGRAPHY with tags , , , , , , , , on December 25, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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Flickr gave me a Christmas gift! Three months of free service! First I waS elated. I had just saved over six bucks and I wouldn’t have to deal with the stress of renewing my pro account until October 5 of next year! Then it all came crashing down on me. Thoughtlessly I hadn’t gotten anything for Flickr – or Yahoo – for Christmas. Geesh. I felt like an absolute grinch. Maybe I could re-gift them with one of my less appealing gifts. Would they like a three layer, gluten free fruitcake!?

According to the bit of desultory research I just did, Flickr claims to have fifty million plus members. I was actually going to count them for myself till I realized I’d probably lose track at some point and have to start all over again. That happens all the time when I’m trying to figure how much money my pocket totals (in my defense, I usually have a ton of pennies and sometimes confuse nickels and quarters).

There’s a lot of crap on Flickr – photos not even the photographer’s mother cares to see. We live in a world where pets have their own twitter and Facebook accounts. I’d guess the average Flickrite has posted at least two or three dozen photos of her dog, cat, gerbil, python or ant colony. After even more exhaustive research I can safely report there are over 3.35 million photographs tagged “pet” on Flickr. Don’t believe me? Count them for yourself.

Don’t get me started on the crooked, often blurry photos of “my kid(s)”, “my husband (wife)”, “my shoes”, and “my bowling ball”.  It’s a mystery to me why people take and post snapshot of ordinary things, and people, they see every day. I don’t have a photo of my cat on my desk; I see him every morning and I’m not likely to forget what he looks like (at least I won’t for another five or six years). It’s mostly the same with my wife. I know what she looks like, too. If I had a photo of her taken ten years ago in a little silver frame beside my desk phone it would probably depress me to  think about how many more wrinkles she has now. It’s moot, however, since she refuses to let me photograph her.

But I digress…

There are of course good photographers among the fifty mil. After personally reviewing all fifty million Flickr photostreams, here are a few of my favorites:

Floralgal – Sergio MandalaybusPublik Oberberg Kevin MacnealBenjamin BjornBernie KasperHawkgenes Peter Bowers Arnold Pouteau – Ali ShokriLaura Travels Imapix

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treegirlclick for photo credit & license

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Common Sense & Sleaze

Posted in erotic, FLICKR, photographers, PHOTOGRAPHY, politics, religion, Sexy, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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Thank God the National Rifle Association finally weighed in Friday with its tipically compassionate common sense! You can always count on the good old NRA in a  crises!

The much maligned NRA isn’t about guns at all; its a humane service organization. Its all about people – particularly our precious children – and protecting them from the bloody carnage of our cesspool society.

Friday the NRA brilliantly proposed to make our children safer by posting armed guards in every one of the one hundred thousand schools, from kindergarten to high school, in the country! The sages at the NRA know guns don’t kill people! Guns protect people!! It’s just common sense: the more guns around you the safer you are. The higher the caliber the lower your risk. Pistols are good. Rifles are better. Semi-automatic rifles are better still.  If only the wimps in congress would legalize fifty cal machine guns we’d live in the safest country in the world! Wayne Lapierre is a prophet (as was the saintly Chuck Heston).

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But, you ask, what about the cost of the NRA Safer Schools proposal? While it may not be insignificant, its well worth it to keep our kids safe and sound.

OK, so let’s see…  Suppose we need to put three and a half guards in each school… Hmm… Lets say we have annual payroll for each guard of $20,000… Gotta buy the guns, too – thats another $150 per man (you can get a used Smith & Wesson for a song these days)… Insurance?  $1,000. Benefits? Throw in another $1,000. Training? Another grand.. A annual total per guard cost of $23,150; per school it’s $81,000. Eight billion for all schools…   Is that right?? Think so… Not as bad as I thought…

Total for all schools over ten years: 80 billion bucks. Yep. Math seems right. We could easily pay this cost by shaving a few percentage points off the budgets of Medicare, food stamps, unemployment compensation and Social Security.

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Oh, sure, I guess we ought to figure the cost of guards screwing up. Suppose five or six students, teachers or strangers get shot each year, with half dying. Over ten years that’s 55 total casualties with around thirty dead. Say $1,000,000 per settlement. Oh, that’s peanuts – just fifty plus million over ten years. A mere rounding error. A few guards will shoot themselves every year, too, incurring workers compensation. Toss in another five million over a decade. Again, peanuts.

I concede there might be a tiny bit of freedom lost and maybe an excess of criminal prosecution of students, teachers and school custodians. But its too hard to put a cost on that – so we’ll let it pass. Besides, giving up a few of the Bill of Rights’ protections (except, of course, for the Second amendment’s) to keep our little ones safe in school is a small price to pay.

On the other hand, there’ll be a big increase in gun sales (like having Obama elected every year!) The uniform, badge and boot trades will get a boost as well. Our whole economy will get a huge shot!

Although it wasn’t mentioned in the NRA presser, there’s an obvious – and huge – next step!!

Once our schools are protected by a wall of hot lead, those poor souls tortured and debauched by TV & movies, video games, media sensationalism, and – as always – Godless liberals, will naturally turn their murderous fury in other, more vulnerable directions. Churches, hospitals, museums, parks, sports stadiums, beaches, restaurants, golf courses, NASCAR races, bowling alleys, shopping malls, holiday parades, state Republican conventions, rodeos, “gentlemen’s clubs” and other public gathering places will all face an unacceptable increased risk.

We’ll need a lot more good men (and a few good women) with guns to protect us all from the ever surging tide of bad men with guns, men manufactured like so many defective toasters in the devilish factories spawned by our corrupt society –  men who will threaten to spill our loved ones’ blood in the years to come.

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Suppose ten million vulnerable spots… Five guards per spot…

Gosh!

We’ll need another FIFTY MILLION armed sentinels!! I guess we will need a whole bunch of volunteers. If we buy each of our volunteers a Bushmaster at about $1,400 per we can keep total costs under $77,000,000,000!

Wait!! OMG, the best answer to our problem is so obvious! I’m an idiot…

We can cut most of the cost by simply mandating that every able-bodied American citizen must purchase a semiautomatic firearm – with his own money! – and then must openly carry it whenever he’s in public. If we get rid of that background check nonsense (and relax the mental health restrictions  – most mentally ill folks still function reasonably well and would be helped by having an exciting outdoor job with police authority), we can put together our volunteer security force (hmmm, we could call it the GEneral Sentinel Tactical Organized Protective Order (GeSTOPO)  quicker than you can say JackBootedThug! 

Brilliant, isn’t it!? Just brilliant!

But don’t thank me. Thank Wayne LaPierre  and the National Rifle Association (and send them a check…)

Now if we are wise enough to just follow the NRA’s lead we will be nearer to ending gun violence in our nation. Don’t let lefty politicians and those do-gooder gun nuts who want to neuter our Second Amendment rights fool you. Just get yourself another gun or two (or four or twenty) and help us make America a safer place. Its just such common sense…

…I mean, what could possibly go wrong!??

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For photo credit, click on image. My remixes subject to this creative commons license

Flickr Groups

GURLZ WITH GUNS

SECOND AMENDMENT BLOG BASH

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NEWTOWN

Posted in FLICKR, politics, satire with tags , , , , , , on December 15, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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BANNER

Public Domain

While there is of course nothing I could write today about the Connecticut shooting that would be original or truly meaningful, it does seem important to mention it.  Because of the number killed and tender age of most of the victims, this episode of lunatic gun frenzy seems worse than the dozens of others in my lifetime.

The sad litany of voices and arguments  we have heard after each massacre has begun. “Guns don’t kill children people do.” “It’s too early! Don’t politicize this tragedy!”  “How can anyone defend automatic weapons and twenty shot magazines!?” ” Why is America so obsessed with firearms?”

Mike Huckabee won the race to be the first right wing pundit to bleat that tired old pro-gun talking point: if that teacher had only had a gun…”  Yes, I can see it now. As the crazed shooter breaks into the classroom brandishing his semi-automatic pistols, our teacher frantically hunts for her over sized handbag, hurriedly digs through the layers of  junk for her six shooter. takes time to load (wouldn’t want to have a loaded gun in a room full of curious kindergarten kids), then calmly turns toward the madman and drills him right between the eyes – after he’s had time to mow down only half the class (all this assumes the killer is too dumb to shoot the teacher first)!

Huckabee missed the obvious answer:  the kids should have been packing. Your average seven year old, and precocious five and six year olds, are certainly mature enough to carry concealed weapons (if properly trained). Imagine how this tragedy would have been avoided if an entire class of elementary school children had pulled their guns from their backpacks and then riddled the unsuspecting villain with a fusillade of well aimed hot lead!

My solution would crete a whole new market for the firearm industry. Tiny shots from tiny tots! Girls would likely gravitate toward Barbie’s BAM-BAM pink Derringer, while boys would drool over pearl handled shiny six shooters specially crafted to fit comfortably in little boy hands. If these small firearms don’t have enough stopping power the makers could easily offer the kids hollow point ammunition for just a few dollars more. To be sure our pint sized posses are full of deadeye marks-boys/girls, school recess could be replaced with mandatory target and fast draw practice.

Why, I suspect that when a majority of first through third graders start carrying guns their grades will shoot way up. Little Billy’s Glock will help his teachers see just how truly special he is (“Ms. Smith, your little Billy has made real progress on his anger issues. We want to promote him to middle school – tomorrow!”) And there may even be other benefits as well. No more playground bullies?

Sadly, thanks to the liberal elite in our country my common sense plan to stop school shootouts will never see the light of day. It’ll be the same thing that happened when I proposed giving obsolete  artillery pieces to the Boy Scouts…

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FLICKR GROUPS

AMOURY INSIDE

AUTOMATIC WEAPONS

GUNZ

CANNON FIRE!

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HOT FOR HATS!

Posted in fashion, fetish, FLICKR, photographers, PHOTOGRAPHY, pinup, Sexy, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 9, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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Who doesn’t like hats – especially when they adorn the heads of lovely ladies.  Sadly, it seems that for women younger than my grandmother hats have gone out of style (well, I’m not counting caps). In any event, for those of us old enough to remember when…

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A remix by me
For photo credit click on photos. All photos, and my remix, subject to this creative commons license

Flickr photos tagged nude + hat

FLICKR GROUPS

Girls in HatsSexy Ladies in Cowboy Hats – Tgirls and  Girls Wearing Hats – Hatsbian !  Female Nudes With Hats

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The Shocking Truth: Why Obama Won

Posted in erotic, FLICKR, religion, Sexy, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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As always, post election analysis has swamped the media and blogosphere since Tuesday night’s election shocker. Every pundit has a theory why her candidate won or lost. Obama won because of the Hispanic vote; Romney lost because so many white voters sat on their hands. The women’s vote was crucial. No, it was the professional class. You’re both wrong, it was Asians under twenty-eight. Romney was too passive. He was too aggressive. He lied too much. He told too much truth. Karl Rove blew it. He saved it from being much worse. Obama’s awesome ground game tipped the election. He should have lost. He should have won bigger. He was too liberal. He was too moderate.  The American people were too smart to go for Romney. They were too stupid to go for Romeny. Too greedy to go for Romeny. God will smile on America. He’ll smite America. No, He could care less. I’m right and you’re wrong. No, I’M right and YOU’RE wrong!

And on and on and on and on and on and on…

But perhaps the most penetrating pundits hang out at the Christian Men’s Defense Network.  Bskillet81, head of  the group, has uncovered the real reason Obama won and Romney lost. Only he has discovered the crucial demographic that swung the election toward America’s first Kenyan born, Muslim, Fascist, Socialist, illegitimate, nappy headed and uppity President.

The Slut Vote!

…. (T)his election cycle shows that the Slut Vote is real, and Republicans lose because they discount the existence of original sin in women.  Abortion is often called the “third rail of American politics,” but in truth, the third rail is a woman’s right to slut (with cash and prizes).

One thing one has to remember about women, especially slutty ones:  They usually don’t make decisions based on reason.  So all the Obama administration had to do was scare them that Mitt Romney was going to take away their birth control and their access to abortion.  The fear for them is that, without birth control and abortion, they might actually get pregnant and have to give birth.  That is scary not simply because of the economic burden of having a child (since, hey, they can get all kinds of cash and prizes if that happens), but because if that happened then everyone would know they’re sluts, and their image as daddy’s pure little snowflake princess goes out the window.

 

How on God’s green earth can anyone possibly dispute this kind of savvy political brilliance?  Bskillet8 should lobby for his own show on Fox – maybe replacing the finally discredited Dick Morris. I see a book in his future and a lucrative lecture tour. Then he should consider a run for congress (maybe even the Senate).

Not only did Skilly figure out why single white women vote for the Democrats, but he unravelled the riddle of why Blacks are in Obama’s pocket. You probably thought it had something to do with the Democrat’s allegiance to civil rights – you’re an idiot! BSkill has the lowdown:

Contrary to common belief, the primary reason the Democrats own the black vote has nothing to do with civil rights…Rather, Democrats have won the black vote because the black community is dominated by illegitimacy, and the Democrats are willing to subsidize and support that illegitimacy (as well as provide access to cheap abortions) so as to take away from sluts the consequences of their actions. 

Think this great Christian seer is wrong? Think he’s just some no nothin’ religious mysogynist? You must be a political tyro, my Fabianista friend. Just check out this web site, Virginia…

Oddly, The CMDN’s site has vanished. Guess, like a lot of geniuses, BKillet8 is more than a little shy. Such a shame; we need his kind of amazing insight… But maybe if we beg he’ll answer our call and save God’s Great City on the Hill…

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Four more votes for sin and promiscuity!

FLICKR GROUPS: Sluts with Sleaze Appeal – Sluts International (X)

Original photo by  Alexandre Borges, remixed by me, both images subject to this

creative commons license

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THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT MITT ROMNEY!!

Posted in FLICKR, history, photographers, PHOTOGRAPHY, religion, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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Click image for photo credit

There’s a new Obama conspiracy making the rounds of  the right wing nutter websites. Yes, it goes, Obama was born in America – but his real father was a communist! This indisputable fact of course explains why the President is a secret socialist muslim…

Well, its time to tell some shocking truths about Willard Mitt Romney. We all know the lamestream media is beholden to the Koch brothers and the Mormon church – they will never tell you the truth.

But I will.

Romney is a closet polygamist. Aave you ever heard him deny it? Where are his other wives, you ask? All of Romney’s boys are gay – their wives really belong to Romney! Doubt it? You never see these women kissing their “husbands” on TV (or if they do there’s obviously no passion; its all for show). The family has never agreed to DNA testing of any of Mitt’s supposed “grandchildren”. The Mormon church embraced polygamy from its foundation; it only disclaimed the practice so Utah would be admitted to Union. Mitt’s a big time Mormon bishop and he traces his family’s Mormon roots back to a time when polygamy was not only accepted but was mandated by the sect.

Romney takes orders from the ghost of Joseph Smith. His mission is to mandate Mormonism as the established religion of the entire world and thereby destroy the coffee, tea, liquor and bear industries. It’s a little known fact Romney has a huge investment in the sacred underwear trade. When the church controls the world his investment will grow ten thousand fold!

Romney is not eligible for the presidency. He wasn’t born in America – he wasn’t even born on this planet  but on Kolob, a distant Mormon planet whose location has never been revealed (why not – what do they have to hide?)

Romney may not even be human. There are rumors – which we are investigating – claiming Mitt is some kind of cyborg programmed to say or do anything to become overlord of  the world.

Is Romney a zombie? Why has he never submitted to a physical by an independent doctor? Why has he never appeared shirtless in public? Why are his facial expressions so off?

I assure you each of the above statements are absolutely true and completely factual. Visions is not afraid to stand up against the Mormon mafia! America deserves the TRUTH!! 

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click image for photo credit

Is this the secret Mormon manufacturing plant for Mormon cyborgs? Was Willard born here?? Why have we never seen his long form birth certificate???

MORMONS

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