click photos for credit and license
Horse flesh keeping popping up in food. One of the latest guilty parties, according to news reports, is Burger King…
There are so many risks in everyday life: automobile accidents, disease, pollution, falling meteors, bad mayo … But who knew you had to worry your sweater (or other clothing) might cast you into Hell!?
A truck carrying ketchup – lots and lots of ketchup, wrecked in Reno. When the cops arrived and surveyed the huge red stain on the road they wondered where all the bodies were.
The iPad is so versatile; it has hundreds of different uses! a New York fireman came up with a unique new use: using it to bash his wife twice on her head. She was treated for her injuries at the scene – no word on the iPad’s condition…
Read all of VISIONS
When I was fourteen, the summer before my freshman year in high school, my family rented a modest house in Oak Ridge after we had moved to east Tennessee from my personal Shangri-La, Del Mar, California. The house had a single small bathroom, a family bottleneck, particularly in the morning.
For a week or so sometime that summer, my parents’ friend Susan Green, a buxom women the same general age as my parents (early forties). Ms. Green, like most every woman with a large bust, caught and held my testosterone juiced attention. Janet Pilgrim’s bountiful milky white breasts – I’d discovered them in an old Playboy I’d found in one of the houses our family rented in Del Mar – still fueled my embarrassing wet dreams.
I have no real memory of the brief time Susan stayed with us. Except for five to ten shockingly vivid seconds. It must have been fairly early in the morning, but that’s really just a guess. Anyway, whenever it was, needing to pee, I went to the bathroom door and unthinkingly jerked it wide open. Standing at the sink, just three feet in front of me, in just her white panties and oversized white brassiere, Ms. Green was leaning over the diminutive white sink and peering into the small mirror as she carefully applied her lipstick.
I instantly froze at the bathroom threshold. I felt faint, my face was burning, and my dick sprang up amazingly quickly. I’m sure my jaw was nestled somewhere at the level of my bare feet. Before any thought could push aside the steaming lump of lust filling my fourteen year old boy’s brain, Ms. Green whirled around and yelled at me to close the door. Paralyzed by the view of her now revealed ample cleavage, and the pinkness of her still damp midriff and upper thighs, it took my a second or so to regain any ability to comply.
As best as I can remember neither Ms. Green, or either of my parents, mentioned my embarrassing voyeurism. I spent the rest of her visit conciously keeping my eyes off her delicious chest. At night, when I was alone in my room, however, the memory of my brief glimpse of those breasts, and particularly that deep pink cleavage, kept me a little bit dizzy and my left hand busy.
I was, that summer, still relatively new to the forbidden joys of masturbation. While my younger brothers and I spent a month or so at my maternal grandparents’ home in southwest Virginia waiting for our parents to fetch us down to Oak Ridge, I’d found a dog eared paperback copy of Lady Chatterly’s Lover half hidden in the den. As I lay in bed reading a particularly racy passage of the book one night, I began fondling my cock. Not really knowing what I was doing, but encouraged by the magnificent sensation, I kept at it as I continued to read.
Suddenly, and without any warning, the first orgasm of my life washed over me like some horrifying Tsunami. The feeling, which surged from my groin over most of my body, was so intense and so prolonged my vision dimmed and I came close to fainting. My semen, as if overjoyed to at last be freed, spurted out again and again, arched high over my stomach, then splattered down onto my chest and neck, leaving sticky white dime sized puddles on my skin. For a a terrifying moment I feared I might actually die or that I had at least done some grievous damage to myself. I could hardly breathe; my body trembled like a small bird. When my passion at last drained away I felt weak and drowsy. I was so petrified by the experience I quickly vowed I’d never ever touch myself that way again no matter what.
My fervent vow lasted not quite twenty-four hours. The second time, braving my anxiety, I brought myself to an orgasm not quite as intense as the first. It was still magnificent and I savored the spread of joy radiating out from my cock. By the end of that week my fear had vanished and I was addicted. My grandparents became concerned as I went to bed earlier and earlier. The copy of Lady Chatterly’s Lover grew a little bit more dog eared each night with a few more of its yellowed pages marked by fingertip sized stains along their outer edges.
Read all of VISIONS
If only we’d known… Slavery could have been avoided in America if blacks had possessed firearms in 1776.
“We are looking for a peaceful protest,” Ward said. Continuing, “I think Martin Luther King, Jr. would agree with me if he were alive today that if African Americans had been given the right to keep and bear arms from day one of the country’s founding, perhaps slavery might not have been a chapter in our history.” Larry Ward, gun nut
Does Hobby Lobby go to church?
Hobby Lobby founder contests Obamacare contraception mandate claiming it violates he religious convictions. Somehow I doubt the company is a sole proprietorship or partnership. If I’m right then I’m at a loss to understand what the religious beliefs of mere officers or stockholders have to do with the corporate “person” (hat tip to Mitt). On the other hand, the Supreme Court has ruled corporations have the First Amendment right to free speech so maybe they can have the right of religious liberty too.
Obama nixes Death Star
In yet another sign Obama is dangerously soft on national defense, his administration announced it would not build a Death Star despite the popular clamor. Even more shocking was the President’s rejection of destroying enemy planets, giving our other worldly enemies aid and comfort.
Gun nut loses right to carry concealed weapon after exercising his right to free speech.
I don’t like gun nuts and I believe in strict regulation of firearms, including banning assault rifles and oversixed magazines. Despite those beliefs, I find it outrageous that my home state of Tennessee revoked James Yeager’s permit to cary a concealed weapon because of his statement calling for other gun nuts to lcck & load to be ready to combat federal gun control. Its fashionable these days for gun advocates to claim one of the justifications for the Second Amendment is for citizens to be able to go to war with a tyrannical government. Tennessee has more than its share of such true believers. What Yeager said, while ugly, surely falls under the First Amendment’s protection. If I’m right then I don’t see how his right to carry can be curbed.
Update: It appears, from this blog post, that Yeager violated Tennessee’s constitutional ban on dueling.
Libertarian promises to have no contact with traitors who voted for Obama.
Eric Dondero, a passionate libertarian and Obama hater, is promising to shun forever all Democrats and Obama voters, even those who are part of his family:
I’m choosing another rather unique path; a personal boycott, if you will. Starting early this morning, I am going to un-friend every single individual on Facebook who voted for Obama, or I even suspect may have Democrat leanings. I will do the same in person. All family and friends, even close family and friends, who I know to be Democrats are hereby dead to me. I vow never to speak to them again for the rest of my life, or have any communications with them. They are in short, the enemies of liberty. They deserve nothing less than hatred and utter contempt.
If only every wingnut would follow the same policy I wouldn’t be forced to listen to their harangues against Obama’s attempt to destroy America with Sharia law, gun bans, or the destruction of Christianity.
The iconic game is dumping one of its working class tokens – thimble, iron, boot or the wheelbarrow. The upper crust tokens – battleship, top hat, scottie dog, and the race car are untouchable. Next thing you know players will have to pass a credit check to get in the game.
Read all of VISIONS
While there is of course nothing I could write today about the Connecticut shooting that would be original or truly meaningful, it does seem important to mention it. Because of the number killed and tender age of most of the victims, this episode of lunatic gun frenzy seems worse than the dozens of others in my lifetime.
The sad litany of voices and arguments we have heard after each massacre has begun. “Guns don’t kill children people do.” “It’s too early! Don’t politicize this tragedy!” “How can anyone defend automatic weapons and twenty shot magazines!?” ” Why is America so obsessed with firearms?”
Mike Huckabee won the race to be the first right wing pundit to bleat that tired old pro-gun talking point: if that teacher had only had a gun…” Yes, I can see it now. As the crazed shooter breaks into the classroom brandishing his semi-automatic pistols, our teacher frantically hunts for her over sized handbag, hurriedly digs through the layers of junk for her six shooter. takes time to load (wouldn’t want to have a loaded gun in a room full of curious kindergarten kids), then calmly turns toward the madman and drills him right between the eyes – after he’s had time to mow down only half the class (all this assumes the killer is too dumb to shoot the teacher first)!
Huckabee missed the obvious answer: the kids should have been packing. Your average seven year old, and precocious five and six year olds, are certainly mature enough to carry concealed weapons (if properly trained). Imagine how this tragedy would have been avoided if an entire class of elementary school children had pulled their guns from their backpacks and then riddled the unsuspecting villain with a fusillade of well aimed hot lead!
My solution would crete a whole new market for the firearm industry. Tiny shots from tiny tots! Girls would likely gravitate toward Barbie’s BAM-BAM pink Derringer, while boys would drool over pearl handled shiny six shooters specially crafted to fit comfortably in little boy hands. If these small firearms don’t have enough stopping power the makers could easily offer the kids hollow point ammunition for just a few dollars more. To be sure our pint sized posses are full of deadeye marks-boys/girls, school recess could be replaced with mandatory target and fast draw practice.
Why, I suspect that when a majority of first through third graders start carrying guns their grades will shoot way up. Little Billy’s Glock will help his teachers see just how truly special he is (“Ms. Smith, your little Billy has made real progress on his anger issues. We want to promote him to middle school – tomorrow!”) And there may even be other benefits as well. No more playground bullies?
Sadly, thanks to the liberal elite in our country my common sense plan to stop school shootouts will never see the light of day. It’ll be the same thing that happened when I proposed giving obsolete artillery pieces to the Boy Scouts…
Read all of VISIONS
As always, post election analysis has swamped the media and blogosphere since Tuesday night’s election shocker. Every pundit has a theory why her candidate won or lost. Obama won because of the Hispanic vote; Romney lost because so many white voters sat on their hands. The women’s vote was crucial. No, it was the professional class. You’re both wrong, it was Asians under twenty-eight. Romney was too passive. He was too aggressive. He lied too much. He told too much truth. Karl Rove blew it. He saved it from being much worse. Obama’s awesome ground game tipped the election. He should have lost. He should have won bigger. He was too liberal. He was too moderate. The American people were too smart to go for Romney. They were too stupid to go for Romeny. Too greedy to go for Romeny. God will smile on America. He’ll smite America. No, He could care less. I’m right and you’re wrong. No, I’M right and YOU’RE wrong!
And on and on and on and on and on and on…
But perhaps the most penetrating pundits hang out at the Christian Men’s Defense Network. Bskillet81, head of the group, has uncovered the real reason Obama won and Romney lost. Only he has discovered the crucial demographic that swung the election toward America’s first Kenyan born, Muslim, Fascist, Socialist, illegitimate, nappy headed and uppity President.
…. (T)his election cycle shows that the Slut Vote is real, and Republicans lose because they discount the existence of original sin in women. Abortion is often called the “third rail of American politics,” but in truth, the third rail is a woman’s right to slut (with cash and prizes).
One thing one has to remember about women, especially slutty ones: They usually don’t make decisions based on reason. So all the Obama administration had to do was scare them that Mitt Romney was going to take away their birth control and their access to abortion. The fear for them is that, without birth control and abortion, they might actually get pregnant and have to give birth. That is scary not simply because of the economic burden of having a child (since, hey, they can get all kinds of cash and prizes if that happens), but because if that happened then everyone would know they’re sluts, and their image as daddy’s pure little snowflake princess goes out the window.
How on God’s green earth can anyone possibly dispute this kind of savvy political brilliance? Bskillet8 should lobby for his own show on Fox – maybe replacing the finally discredited Dick Morris. I see a book in his future and a lucrative lecture tour. Then he should consider a run for congress (maybe even the Senate).
Not only did Skilly figure out why single white women vote for the Democrats, but he unravelled the riddle of why Blacks are in Obama’s pocket. You probably thought it had something to do with the Democrat’s allegiance to civil rights – you’re an idiot! BSkill has the lowdown:
Contrary to common belief, the primary reason the Democrats own the black vote has nothing to do with civil rights…Rather, Democrats have won the black vote because the black community is dominated by illegitimacy, and the Democrats are willing to subsidize and support that illegitimacy (as well as provide access to cheap abortions) so as to take away from sluts the consequences of their actions.
Think this great Christian seer is wrong? Think he’s just some no nothin’ religious mysogynist? You must be a political tyro, my Fabianista friend. Just check out this web site, Virginia…
Oddly, The CMDN’s site has vanished. Guess, like a lot of geniuses, BKillet8 is more than a little shy. Such a shame; we need his kind of amazing insight… But maybe if we beg he’ll answer our call and save God’s Great City on the Hill…
creative commons license
Read all of VISIONS
The so what is political; it is the need for a cohesive populace loyal to America. The better off people are the more likely they are to feel connected to American ideals and government. The poor, the resentful, the believers the political and economic systems are irrevocably rigged against them, are likely to shed their willingness to support this country and its government. Add enough people to these groups and you have a dangerous mix of anger and resentment in too many people, people ripe for any radical political movement promising to topple the corrupt elements of American political and economic elites.
We are not a ethnic nation; we are unified by ideals and not by blood. When life drains of hope and we lose our faith in American exceptionalism – our American Dream – we have nothing to fall back on. We aren’t French, or German, or Italian; our history of national identity is relatively short and the war that forged our true identity was not with some other ethnic or religious group but with ourselves.
The political right trumpets “free markets”. Whatever the markets’ economic efficiencies, they can also divide us along economic lines, lines that many see as arbitrary and drawn as much by the luck of birth and chance as by enterprise and industriousness. Mitt Romny, whatever his business acumen, prospered thanks in large part because of his family, its wealth and the advantages and opportunities they afforded him. If he had been born black, poor, his rise obstructed by poor education, the fractures of family, and inner city violence, he chances of success would have been tiny.
We are a nation of three hundred million people, not of corporations. Our national goals should seek much more than economic efficiencies. The general welfare must embrace the welfare of all of us. If it does not, if we do not act together to bind up the nation’s wounds, we may find our Americanism so diluted in so many of us we may cease to be a nation at all.
FLICKR GROUP: Big Natural Tits
Read all of VISIONS