Archive for the satire Category

Pedantic Yammering & Humungous Mammaries

Posted in erotic, fetish, FLICKR, photographers, PHOTOGRAPHY, politics, satire, Sexy, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 27, 2013 by cliffmichaels

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titties1

Hope you bought national security companies’ stocks last week. Boston’s unfortunate 26.2 mile misadventure will be good for their businesses and likely bring you a handsome profit.

If you are a conservative pundit with your own radio, TV show  – or podcast – your ratings will soar as you excoriate the government and the liberal and medias elites for failing to protect America, giving that terrorist his miranda warnings, or refusing to send him to our tropical gulag. If you inhabit the conspiracy theory suburbs, you can raise cash by darkly impling it was all an Obama plot.

Of course, if you are xenophobic, you now have an explosive new argument t0 blow away immigration reform. If you are a staunch defender of the Glorious Second,  you can claim it would have been great if every Boston citizen had had an AR-15. Of course, Islamophobes are in hog heaven… It is sad for racists that those boys were white…

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Then there’s West, Texas. Just a tragic accident. nonexistent inspections?  Please, this is Texas. Even the West victims don’t blame the company. Just one of those things. Could have happened anywhere. Who could have foreseen it wasn’t really such a good idea to store tons and tons of fertilizer in the plant – or build a school, houses and a nursing home within a stone’s throw of that plant?

Strengthen regulations?  That would only take away jobs. Jobs sorely needed by the folks in West. What they really need is fast federal funds to rebuild. I mean, unlike those whining folks in New York and Jersey who were hit by a little wind and rain then got greedy, the good Texans in West are true blue Americans and  are only asking for what they deserve – and to get back some of their tax money from the feds (and some more from Jersey, New York, and all those other liberal states where everyone has more money than patriotism).

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Congress gets such a bum rap. Supposedly deadlocked, our brave and caring legislators rose up en mass and, in a magnificent show of bipartisanship, and did something about the senseless budget cuts mandated by the Sequester. With the across the board cuts crippling things like chemotherapy treatments for poor cancer patients, Head Start for poor kids, and nutrition programs for poor old folks, the Senate and House chose to give relief to the real victims of those draconian cuts: airlines and their customers. Who says  Congress doesn’t care…?

 Those cancer patients  are likely going to die anyway. Poor kids and seniors will always be with us (and besides, they’re just moochers). Businessmen – makers not takers   –  trapped in Duluth for three hours must be rescued from that near literal hell on earth…

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I’m not going to mention gun control. What is there to say? 

SEXY GIRLS IN BLUE

Flickr Gallery: Beautifully Blue
Flickr All photo by Hannah Davies and remixed by me, all subject to this creative commons license

Can You Handle the Truth…?

Posted in erotic, FLICKR, photographers, PHOTOGRAPHY, satire, Sexy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2013 by cliffmichaels

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What is She Hiding and WHY!??

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Because of illness and a wretched work load, Cliff Michaels is unable to post anything coherent on Visions. Desperate to find a temporary replacement, he has turned the blog over to his nephew Gerard for the day.
Gerard prefers not to disclose his last name or address. He describes himself as a deep & clear thinker and an inventor of various aluminum cranial cloaking devices. His eBook, Why Everything You know is Wrong, is available on his encrypted website, but he refuses to divulge the URL, saying only that his site is on the real internet. Here is his first Visions post:

We live in a world of deceit. The Powers that Be keep 99.99% of us enthralled in a web of lies. Why do they work so hard to deceive us? To keep us from rising up against them and reclaiming the world for ordinary people.

Here are the correct facts about a few of the scientific claims pushed on us by those who would remain our overloads…

1. The universe is Inconceivably huge and getting bigger by the day. This is a monstrous lie! Why the claim? Well, they want you to believe it so you will feel so small and insignificant you will live a life a passive despair. Here’s the actual truth (it will set you free!)

The actual shape and size of the universe is a sphere with a diameter of slightly less than twenty-six thousand miles. Except for Earth and Moon, nothing in the universe is larger than a medium sized Himalayan mountain. Jupiter, for instance, is no bigger than an NFL stadium (with Volkswagen sized moons – except for Ganymede which is just bigger than a entry level yacht), jupiter3cand is a mere seven hundred eighteen miles from earth. The Andromeda galaxy, which they claim is hundreds of thousands of lightyears across is, in truth, roughly the size of a turkey egg; and Betelgeuse, a so called giant red star, is just smaller than a ping pong ball and a mere nine thousand four hundred miles from us. Finally, the sun is no larger than Pasadena, California.

Is there life out in our diminutive universe? Yes, but it is confined to various species of simple fungus and two varieties of lice infesting the Magellanic Clouds (together the size of the puff of smoke rising from a small kitchen match).

There are literally thousands of liberated Americans who have explored the universe from side to side and top to bottom. Their attempts to reveal the truth to the deceived populations of our planet have, of course, been viciously suppressed, with many of them being held in so-called mental health facilities.

2. Infinite prime numbers exist. A prime number is defined as an odd number divisible by only itself and one. The mathematicians, in cahoots with the Overlords, suppress any knowledge of thousands upon thousands of numbers that are actual factors of the so-called primes. Every prime above 3301819, for instance, is divisible by XG2#A3 (as uncovered in 1962 by John W. Birch). Even the claim prime numbers must be odd is a lie: 557037 3270183181665 09805248110 9678989410 has been known as a “prime number” by liberated numerologists since Bastille Day in 1854.

3. The world is a round sphere. This is so obvious I almost did not include it. The actual shape of our planet,world as most enlightened observers know, is a four sided pyramid with a very slight two sevenths of degree bulge along the eastern most edge, with a base measuring six thousand miles on each side and a height of eight and a half thousand miles. Naturally, the north pole is at the tip of the pyramid and Antarctica covers four elevenths of the base.

4. Radioactivity is a menace. Actually, there is no such thing as radioactivity. Madam Currie was killed by French secret police to prevent her disclosing the hoax the world. Ask yourself this: Why did Japanese authorities work so hard to keep the inner workings of the  Fujiama reactors top secret and whether not the so called tidal wave was really a ruse (the japanese are plenty smart – why would the build so close to the sea??) Three Mile Island was really a factory making miniature, low cost nuclear mind control devices!

That is all I can reveal to you at present. Because of the ever present satellite surveillance, I must change my location every thirty-three minutes (it takes a bit longer than that for the Overlord sky probes to burn through my crinkly reflective cranial protector). Next time – How governments manipulate the shape and color of clouds to control your sex life…

clouds

For photo credit and license, click on image. Top photo foreground (jupiter) is here.

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NEWTOWN

Posted in FLICKR, politics, satire with tags , , , , , , on December 15, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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BANNER

Public Domain

While there is of course nothing I could write today about the Connecticut shooting that would be original or truly meaningful, it does seem important to mention it.  Because of the number killed and tender age of most of the victims, this episode of lunatic gun frenzy seems worse than the dozens of others in my lifetime.

The sad litany of voices and arguments  we have heard after each massacre has begun. “Guns don’t kill children people do.” “It’s too early! Don’t politicize this tragedy!”  “How can anyone defend automatic weapons and twenty shot magazines!?” ” Why is America so obsessed with firearms?”

Mike Huckabee won the race to be the first right wing pundit to bleat that tired old pro-gun talking point: if that teacher had only had a gun…”  Yes, I can see it now. As the crazed shooter breaks into the classroom brandishing his semi-automatic pistols, our teacher frantically hunts for her over sized handbag, hurriedly digs through the layers of  junk for her six shooter. takes time to load (wouldn’t want to have a loaded gun in a room full of curious kindergarten kids), then calmly turns toward the madman and drills him right between the eyes – after he’s had time to mow down only half the class (all this assumes the killer is too dumb to shoot the teacher first)!

Huckabee missed the obvious answer:  the kids should have been packing. Your average seven year old, and precocious five and six year olds, are certainly mature enough to carry concealed weapons (if properly trained). Imagine how this tragedy would have been avoided if an entire class of elementary school children had pulled their guns from their backpacks and then riddled the unsuspecting villain with a fusillade of well aimed hot lead!

My solution would crete a whole new market for the firearm industry. Tiny shots from tiny tots! Girls would likely gravitate toward Barbie’s BAM-BAM pink Derringer, while boys would drool over pearl handled shiny six shooters specially crafted to fit comfortably in little boy hands. If these small firearms don’t have enough stopping power the makers could easily offer the kids hollow point ammunition for just a few dollars more. To be sure our pint sized posses are full of deadeye marks-boys/girls, school recess could be replaced with mandatory target and fast draw practice.

Why, I suspect that when a majority of first through third graders start carrying guns their grades will shoot way up. Little Billy’s Glock will help his teachers see just how truly special he is (“Ms. Smith, your little Billy has made real progress on his anger issues. We want to promote him to middle school – tomorrow!”) And there may even be other benefits as well. No more playground bullies?

Sadly, thanks to the liberal elite in our country my common sense plan to stop school shootouts will never see the light of day. It’ll be the same thing that happened when I proposed giving obsolete  artillery pieces to the Boy Scouts…

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FLICKR GROUPS

AMOURY INSIDE

AUTOMATIC WEAPONS

GUNZ

CANNON FIRE!

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All American Kink

Posted in erotic, fetish, FLICKR, photographers, PHOTOGRAPHY, satire, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 4, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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Photos by Open Source Dude, remixed by me, subject to this creative commons licsence

What’s more American than lesbian bondage? It’s right up there with apple pie, Chevrolet and the Fourth of July!

It’s a little known fact that the wives of many of the founding fathers were dyke doms (and most of the others were lickstick subs). And don’t even get me started on Betsy Ross or Abigail Adams.

Mary Todd Lincoln and Florence Nightingale are history’s best known switch lesbians. President Lincoln finally put his foot down in 1864 and forbade their kinky sex romps in the White House.

Some historians even claim at least half the first ladies were into BDSM. It’s rumored that the Daughters of the American Revolution is merely a group of women into whips, chains and American pie.

In any event, here are two Flickr groups you might like…

Beautiful Submissives Catfight Illustrated – Lesbian Feet Domination

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IGNORE THIS POST!

Posted in FLICKR, politics, religion, satire with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 7, 2012 by cliffmichaels

My second cousin Wesley G. Worthliston, III, had his right wing blog Absolutely Right wiped out by a severe rat infestation at the server farm hosting his blog. Out of family loyalty I reluctantly allowed him to post to Visions. His site should be back and running late today…

Andrew Breitbart, RIP

First, I  suppose I should thank cousin Cliff for “allowing” me to post here on his dubious and disgusting blog. He left  out that my dad, the Big Two as he’s called in family circles, a big time hedge fund manager, had to exert considerable financial pressure to get Cliff to do the Right Thing. His omission of that fact is a typical example of liberal sneakiness…

In any event, here’s the Saturday morning roundup…

Scalia’s shocking revelation of the Obama Administration’s secret plot to force broccoli onto every American family’s dinner table has apparently stopped the plan in its green & gruesome  tracks. We must remain vigilant, however; there are credible rumors the government is thinking of mandating that arugula be added to nursing home lunchplates.

Should copies of the  koran carry warning labels?

Kudo’s to SCOTUS for allowing strip searches. The idea now needs to be expanded to applicants for food stamps and unemployment brenefits (at least to those socialist programs are eliminated). Oh, adding women seeking to kill their unborn kids to the mix wouldn’t be a bad idea either!

Has Rush sold out?

Romny’s support for a budget plan that only provides for a modest increase in defense  spending and relatively small decrease in job creators’ tax rates is just another outrageous example of his liberal Taxachusettes views. What we really need is a total elimination of taxes on the top two percent of the population until the Obama recession is clearly over (and then a gradual increase to  maximum tax rate of four or five percent with tax free capital gains). On defense spending, the need for a twenty percent plus percent increase is painfully obvious. Until our defense budget substantially exceeds the rest of the world’s nations’  military expenditures combined we aren’t truly safe.   How to pay for it?  Duh! Root out those socialist giveaways Social Security, Medicare,  and Medicaid!

 Should Iraq become an American territory like Guam?

Nuclear weapons could be the answer to the Iran question…  I suppose for appearance’s sake we should reserve the nukes at first. While I don’t personally agree, I grant the case for exempting Tehran as a target.

An Obama victory in November will be a sure sign of massive voter fraud. The plan to post militia members at “minorty” polling stations in blue states enjoys growing support. I oppose the effort to arm militia members with automatic weapons – small arms should be enough to discourage fraud (unless, of course, Obama’s so called “Justice” department attempts to intervene).

Is Osama really dead?

Thank God Obama failed in his attempt to exterminate innocent civilians in Virginia. Sending a F-18 crashing down onto a defenseless retirement village is merely another example of the muslim Kenyan born fascist’s war on older Americans. Don’t be fooled by the lap dog socialist press’s attempt to call the assault on the elderly an “accident”. Our valiant military is far to good to have one of its first line fighters crash in a residential area. Obama’s vile attack was only foiled by his utter incompetence.

Should labor unions be prosecuted as criminal conspiracies?

Finally, Monday, when hopefully my blog will be back, I’ll be posting two great articles: Should Income Taxes be Voluntary? and Don’t Impeach Obama, Deport Him!

Oh, and I want to make it very clear I am NOT responsible for any pornographic photos posted on this page!

Photo by Unalienable Rights…, subject to this creative commons license

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Bargain Bridge, Needs Some Work

Posted in FLICKR, history, politics, satire with tags , , , , , , on March 31, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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FOR SALE!

Own this magnificent and historic bridge and rename it after yourself or a loved one. Charge a toll in any amount you like and make the bridge a real money maker for you! Needs some work, but a bargain at a mere $499,999,999!! Financing available.

NYC Privatization Agency – 555-2332

BROOKLYN BRIDGE  

Photo by Jeffrey Bary, subject to this creative commons license

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South Carolina Leads the Way!

Posted in fashion, fetish, FLICKR, photographers, PHOTOGRAPHY, pinup, satire, Sexy, Uncategorized, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 11, 2012 by cliffmichaels

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It’s become common for pundits and other elitists to sneer at state legislatures, especially southern state houses. Whether it’s bans on Sharia law, attempts to revive Creationism, bans of food containing fetuses, or draconian strictures on immigrants, many liberals condemn many of the “wacky” bills passed or proposed by Republican majorities.

But sometimes legislatures get it right. Take South Carolina, for example. In the Palmetto State Republicans have wisely proposed legislation that would forbid citizens on food stamps from using them to purchase snack food such as potato chips or Twinkies. Clearly, this bill is motivated out of the legislators compassionate concern for the welfare of the state’s poor. Frequently misguided, these unfortunates need firm guidance on what they should, and shouldn’t, eat to maintain their health.

South Carolina gives the less fortunate food aid and they should be obligated to only use this aid for necessities.  If the poor cannot control their profligate use of sugar, fat and salt, the state should step in and help them. Snacks, chips, lobster, and sugared soft drinks are obviously not required for good health. Indeed, their consumption could lead to morbid obesity, diabetes,  heart disease  and other diseases caused by poor nutrition (which would deplete the state’s Medicaid funds).  Should the law go into effect it will be only a matter of time before South Carolina’s  indigents are both proud and healthier than those in more indulgent, less caring states. Should the bill pass, it will be the state legislature’s finest moment in the last 153 years.

The only criticism I have of South Carolina’s proposed law is that it doesn’t go far enough. Food stamps recipients are not the only beneficiaries of state funds. For example South Carolina surely pays out tens of millions of dollars to pensioners. How much of that money is wasted? Surely due to advancing age, many of these idle seniors have probably lost the ability to make intelligent decisions when it comes to how they use state provided funds.

For instance, why should the state give out money that will only be wasted on bingo, subscriptions to AARP’s magazines, or trips to Las Vegas or Atlantic City? I suggest the legislature set out a list of forbidden products and services. Instead of cash, pensioners would be paid with Senior Bucks which could only be used within the state. Anyone selling disallowed products or services would not be paid and could be prosecuted. If the program worked it could easily be expanded to cover state and local employees. Of course, the state would need to deduct a modest fee from pensions and salaries to cover the costs of managing the program.

Should such a scheme prove workable it would likely be adopted by a majority of the the states. It could even spread to the federal government. Indeed, limiting Social Security payments to government approved use, and Medicare payments to reimbursements for treatment of  diseases and conditions not caused, in whole or in part, by the patient’s imprudent behavior, would quickly lead to a balanced budget and an eventual elimination of the massive deficit (even after additional tax breaks for job creators).

Some might ask why I do not propose applying the law to recipients of tax cuts. First, of course, a reduction in a person’s taxes is not government largesse. Second, citizens making more than $250,000 per year are obviously wise enough not to need guidance (as are corporations that might receive necessary assistance for government).

Frankly, I am confident my modest proposal based upon the wise actions proposed in South Carolina would, if universally adopted, vastly improve the lot of the 99% of Americans who lack the wisdom and intelligence of their betters.

One Sweet Treat I’d Never Give Up!

Photo by LB & Roberto Sena, remixed by me, both images subject to this creative commons license 

Roberto’s Set Victoria Secret Fashion 

FLICKR GROUP: Carolina Girls

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