The Shocking Truth: Why Obama Won
As always, post election analysis has swamped the media and blogosphere since Tuesday night’s election shocker. Every pundit has a theory why her candidate won or lost. Obama won because of the Hispanic vote; Romney lost because so many white voters sat on their hands. The women’s vote was crucial. No, it was the professional class. You’re both wrong, it was Asians under twenty-eight. Romney was too passive. He was too aggressive. He lied too much. He told too much truth. Karl Rove blew it. He saved it from being much worse. Obama’s awesome ground game tipped the election. He should have lost. He should have won bigger. He was too liberal. He was too moderate. The American people were too smart to go for Romney. They were too stupid to go for Romeny. Too greedy to go for Romeny. God will smile on America. He’ll smite America. No, He could care less. I’m right and you’re wrong. No, I’M right and YOU’RE wrong!
And on and on and on and on and on and on…
But perhaps the most penetrating pundits hang out at the Christian Men’s Defense Network. Bskillet81, head of the group, has uncovered the real reason Obama won and Romney lost. Only he has discovered the crucial demographic that swung the election toward America’s first Kenyan born, Muslim, Fascist, Socialist, illegitimate, nappy headed and uppity President.
The Slut Vote!
…. (T)his election cycle shows that the Slut Vote is real, and Republicans lose because they discount the existence of original sin in women. Abortion is often called the “third rail of American politics,” but in truth, the third rail is a woman’s right to slut (with cash and prizes).
One thing one has to remember about women, especially slutty ones: They usually don’t make decisions based on reason. So all the Obama administration had to do was scare them that Mitt Romney was going to take away their birth control and their access to abortion. The fear for them is that, without birth control and abortion, they might actually get pregnant and have to give birth. That is scary not simply because of the economic burden of having a child (since, hey, they can get all kinds of cash and prizes if that happens), but because if that happened then everyone would know they’re sluts, and their image as daddy’s pure little snowflake princess goes out the window.
How on God’s green earth can anyone possibly dispute this kind of savvy political brilliance? Bskillet8 should lobby for his own show on Fox – maybe replacing the finally discredited Dick Morris. I see a book in his future and a lucrative lecture tour. Then he should consider a run for congress (maybe even the Senate).
Not only did Skilly figure out why single white women vote for the Democrats, but he unravelled the riddle of why Blacks are in Obama’s pocket. You probably thought it had something to do with the Democrat’s allegiance to civil rights – you’re an idiot! BSkill has the lowdown:
Contrary to common belief, the primary reason the Democrats own the black vote has nothing to do with civil rights…Rather, Democrats have won the black vote because the black community is dominated by illegitimacy, and the Democrats are willing to subsidize and support that illegitimacy (as well as provide access to cheap abortions) so as to take away from sluts the consequences of their actions.
Think this great Christian seer is wrong? Think he’s just some no nothin’ religious mysogynist? You must be a political tyro, my Fabianista friend. Just check out this web site, Virginia…
Oddly, The CMDN’s site has vanished. Guess, like a lot of geniuses, BKillet8 is more than a little shy. Such a shame; we need his kind of amazing insight… But maybe if we beg he’ll answer our call and save God’s Great City on the Hill…
Four more votes for sin and promiscuity!
Original photo by Alexandre Borges, remixed by me, both images subject to this
creative commons license
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