Two sets by efohbe: Texas Showdown & Wet T-shirts
FLICKR SEARCHES: Bikini & Nipples + Girl
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There’s nothing better than a good old messy sex scandal that topples the high and mighty – especially in America! So much fun to revel in the agony of others, especially those hypocritical dicks in high office.
David Petraeus: smart as a whip, four star general, hero of two wars, CIA chief, rising political star – only to be brought low by being stupidly led around by that small, lecherous head hiding in his pants. How silly. How tragic. How much in line with all the alpha males dethroned in the past by mindless lust.
What was he thinking?? “Hmm, I’m head of the CIA, under constant scrutiny by friends and enemies alike, married, and with ambitions still unfulfilled. Think I’ll get me some tail on the side. What could possibly go wrong?”
We males are all at jeopardy of making the same mistake. Look at Bill Clinton. My God, what was he thinking? “Hmm, I’m President of the United States of America, married to a powerful wife, and have ruthless enemies who are constantly seeking to destroy me. Think I’ll get me some trim from that chubby, not so bright, twenty something intern. What could possibly go wrong?”
John Edwards? How dumb was that? “Gee, I’m going to run for President again, my wife – who everyone adores – is dying of cancer, the press is all over me 24/7… Think I’ll cavort with the cute woman who did those videos. What could possibly….”
Larry Craig? As a self righteous, married Senator preaching the need for traditional family values, he managed to get himself arrested in a public bathroom soliciting gay sex. It’s impossible to know what he was thinking.
Ah, but the very best sex scandals blow up around those idiot southern mega-church preachers who rail against the gays only to be caught with a dick up their ass.
I could go on, and on, and on, and on. To save me the trouble I’ll just link to this page of political sex scandals from the past. I wonder when the first high mucky muck succumbed to temptation only to have his place at or near the top of the heap shattered? Twenty thousand years ago? “Gosh, I’m the high wizard of the tiger clan, dozens of guys want to topple me, not to mention those bear clan bastards on the other side of the hill, think I’ll screw Gog’s woman – and maybe Glug’s, too. What…?”
But nobody learns from history. Through the ages each guy thought he could have his pussy and eat it too. Insulated by his sycophants and power, each philanderer believed he could get away with it. Each smugly believed he was immune to the perils of blind lust. “I’m too smart, too careful to end up like those other guys. She loves me and will keep my secret, the press – and my wife and the voters – will never find me out. What could possibly go wrong?”
And the common man is just as likely to bring himself low by sexual indiscretion as his betters. He’ll hit on that sexy co-worker, pick up a whore in the worst part of town, seduce his wife’s best friend, or collect kiddie porn. When he gets caught he can kiss his house, his 401(K) and his reputation goodbye when his wife’s divorce lawyer gets through with him. (Amazingly, divorce lawyers are more likely than their fellow chumps to let their dicks overrule their good sense.)
But the thick, bright silver lining of all these sex peccadillos is the delicious enjoyment they afford the rest of us. Its almost as good as watching that fat, pompous asshole slip on a banana peel and fall on his ample ass. Wonderfully, Petraeus scandal gets messier – and more fun – every single day. Another four star general! Another Tampa “socialite” bimbo! Ha! And that shirtless right wing FBI guy. How can it get any better!?
But as much fun as we get from these scandals, we’ve got to remember not to become that idiot guy caught with his dick where it doesn’t belong…!
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As always, post election analysis has swamped the media and blogosphere since Tuesday night’s election shocker. Every pundit has a theory why her candidate won or lost. Obama won because of the Hispanic vote; Romney lost because so many white voters sat on their hands. The women’s vote was crucial. No, it was the professional class. You’re both wrong, it was Asians under twenty-eight. Romney was too passive. He was too aggressive. He lied too much. He told too much truth. Karl Rove blew it. He saved it from being much worse. Obama’s awesome ground game tipped the election. He should have lost. He should have won bigger. He was too liberal. He was too moderate. The American people were too smart to go for Romney. They were too stupid to go for Romeny. Too greedy to go for Romeny. God will smile on America. He’ll smite America. No, He could care less. I’m right and you’re wrong. No, I’M right and YOU’RE wrong!
And on and on and on and on and on and on…
But perhaps the most penetrating pundits hang out at the Christian Men’s Defense Network. Bskillet81, head of the group, has uncovered the real reason Obama won and Romney lost. Only he has discovered the crucial demographic that swung the election toward America’s first Kenyan born, Muslim, Fascist, Socialist, illegitimate, nappy headed and uppity President.
…. (T)his election cycle shows that the Slut Vote is real, and Republicans lose because they discount the existence of original sin in women. Abortion is often called the “third rail of American politics,” but in truth, the third rail is a woman’s right to slut (with cash and prizes).
One thing one has to remember about women, especially slutty ones: They usually don’t make decisions based on reason. So all the Obama administration had to do was scare them that Mitt Romney was going to take away their birth control and their access to abortion. The fear for them is that, without birth control and abortion, they might actually get pregnant and have to give birth. That is scary not simply because of the economic burden of having a child (since, hey, they can get all kinds of cash and prizes if that happens), but because if that happened then everyone would know they’re sluts, and their image as daddy’s pure little snowflake princess goes out the window.
How on God’s green earth can anyone possibly dispute this kind of savvy political brilliance? Bskillet8 should lobby for his own show on Fox – maybe replacing the finally discredited Dick Morris. I see a book in his future and a lucrative lecture tour. Then he should consider a run for congress (maybe even the Senate).
Not only did Skilly figure out why single white women vote for the Democrats, but he unravelled the riddle of why Blacks are in Obama’s pocket. You probably thought it had something to do with the Democrat’s allegiance to civil rights – you’re an idiot! BSkill has the lowdown:
Contrary to common belief, the primary reason the Democrats own the black vote has nothing to do with civil rights…Rather, Democrats have won the black vote because the black community is dominated by illegitimacy, and the Democrats are willing to subsidize and support that illegitimacy (as well as provide access to cheap abortions) so as to take away from sluts the consequences of their actions.
Think this great Christian seer is wrong? Think he’s just some no nothin’ religious mysogynist? You must be a political tyro, my Fabianista friend. Just check out this web site, Virginia…
Oddly, The CMDN’s site has vanished. Guess, like a lot of geniuses, BKillet8 is more than a little shy. Such a shame; we need his kind of amazing insight… But maybe if we beg he’ll answer our call and save God’s Great City on the Hill…
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We are saved! The dark forces of Republican money, lies and hateful prejudice have been bested again! Yahoo!! Mighty Obama pulled America back from the edge of the yawning abyss. Little children will smile again, women will wear shoes again, Hispanics will no longer self-deport again…
Or something like that – for the next two years. Or maybe just the next two months…
Schadenfreude is a wonderful emotion. I’ve been reading a sampling of right wing blogs. Seems the Republicans lost because they weren’t conservative enough, didn’t attack Obama enough, failed to present their message in a proper way, nominated a “flawed” candidate, failed to get their vote out; were doomed by hurricane Sandy, betrayed by that odious obese New Jersey governor, overwhelmed by the Mainstream Media’s love for Obama, cheated out of victory by massive voter fraud, Hollywood hucksters, and completely done in by the electorate’s ignorance, stupidity, greed or apathy, etc., etc, etc…. Why, they never had a chance!
Of course, all these wailing conservatives were, on the day before the election, smugly telling themselves Romney was going to win – big. There was no way he could lose! It was just so obvious! The unskewed polls told them so – their gut feelings told them so – the count of yard signs in Florida told them so. Hannity, Limbaugh, O’Reilly, and all the other brilliant and insightful pundits in the Conservative Echo Chamber, announced the utter impossibly of a Romney defeat. I mean, how could anyone ever doubt for one second the sagacity of Dick Morris!?? When it comes to prognostication his record is perfect. The only debate in the conservative bubble was how big Romney’s margin would be.
In comment sections on these anguished blogs anyone who asserted Romney was done in because the party’s positions were too reactionary for the electorate is quickly labeled a “troll” or a RINO. Moderate, thoughtful voices are drowned by a chorus of, “we just weren’t conservative enough!” It reminds me of the answer of the indian rain dancer when confronted by the claim there’s no connection between hoofing and water. When his dance produces no rain and you say, “see, I told you it doesn’t work,” he’ll reply no rain came because he didn’t dance the right way. When it rains after his dance he’ll tell you smugly, “see, I told you it works!”
Personally, I was scared to death. I thought Obama was the favorite; I wanted to believe Nate – but favorites lose all the time. Some of my fear sprang from nightmare memories of 2000. The thought of a Republican president, house and Senate filled me with dread. I didn’t turn on election coverage until almost nine o’clock when I clicked on MSNBC with trembling lips and fingers. The sight of Rachel’s bright smile brought a tsunami of relief. With ever growing glee I stayed glued to to the television until nearly two in the morning. We won! We won! We won!! AND BIG!
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