Impure Thoughts…

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You’ve got to hand it to Rick Santorum. The man’s a genius! Only he figured out prenatal testing is a devil’s plot to facilitate abortion. He’d outlaw those pernicious tests. If women don’t know their unborn child is horribly deformed or suffers some illness which doom it to a miserable, painful and short life they will carry the child to term.

But think about it, while Santorum’s plan might prevent some abortions, it doesn’t go far enough. Pregnancy tests should also be banned. After all, any woman who learns she’s pregnant may opt for abortion. Better to keep the women folk ignorant. Why we ever allowed them to learn to read is beyond me.

Rick’s also spot on about the evils of contraception. The Pill, condoms, etc. just promote sexual wickedness, threaten the American family and pollute our bodily fluids. Again, however, he hasn’t gone far enough. He should adopt the religious strictures of fundamentalist Muslims and forbid unrelated men and women to be together without chaperones and he should demand laws mandating conservative dress for women so men are not plagued with impure thoughts.

Rick’s not the only one who is a brilliant thinker. Newt, while not quite in Santorum’s class, is sharp and prescient. Just in the past few days he’s revealed Barrack Hussein Obama loves infanticide. Newt has discovered we live in the most perilous times ever our nation has faced – not the darkest days of our Revolution or the Civil War, not World War II when we faced the combined might of the Axis Powers, and not even the Cold War when the Russians had thousands of nukes aimed at our cities. No, because Obama is coddling Muslims terrorists  (imagine! Giving Osama a proper burial!) and refusing to invade Iran, Yemen, Somalia and Ubekibekibekistan we are on the precipice of Armageddon. Only Newt – or Rick – can save our nation from being overwhelmed by Sharia law and the scourge of crushingly high taxes (37.5%!) on our job creators.

Thank God for the Republican party!!

Photos by Mario Mercea, remixed by me, all images subject to this creative commons license

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